ted d bare, manzilian (408-565-8284): wax on hair off - brazilian waxes for men only

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What's a Manzilian?!
Commonly referred to as a "boyzilian," a manzilian is the removal of hair from a man's crotch. Among members of a certain coterie, it is also known as a Japanese sea monster – that breathes fire.

Does waxing hurt?
Yep. The pain does fade within seconds and subsequent sessions hurt less than the first session. But does it hurt? You betcha.

Why not shave?
Shaving stimulates potential hair growth and can strengthen the hair follicle. Shaving also cuts the hair at the hair shaft, which not only re-grows with a stubbly feel, but it allows the hair to re-grow the next day or in some cases the same day.

What is the procedure for a Manzilian?
The hair is trimmed, if necessary, and then wax is applied a little at a time. The hair is removed and the procedure continues.  The wax used for this procedure is alternated between a strip wax and a no-strip wax. While waxing, it's best to pull the skin tight, so you may be asked to help stabilize an area with your hand. After the hairs are removed, a cooling solution is applied to help soothe the area. Oh, and you finally exhale at this point.

What is the setting like?
The cool room has a wonderful laz-y-boyish esthetician lounger. It is operation height so that I can do the detail plucking without straining my lovely back. Overhead lighting illuminate all the crevices. There's a television with re-runs and movies set up so you can attempt to forget the ripping pain – good ruck.

Where are you located?
826 N Winchester Suite 2A1. Cross street is Hedding. I'm a few blocks behind Valley Fair. Across the street from Walgreens and kinda sorta in the same building as the Church of Scientology. And yes, I do believe that way back when, there was an alien galactic ruler who went by the name of Xenu and who was in charge of 76 planets in our sector of the galaxy, including Earth – although we were called Teegeeack at the time. Don't you?

What are the possible side effects of waxing and how can they be minimized?
Although we can not predict or guarantee who may react, most clients do not experience reactions beyond redness and minor irritation. Hair may break at the root during waxing, causing some hairs to grow out faster. Please follow these guidelines to minimize irritation and possible break outs.

  • Avoid the sun immediately after waxing and please wear sun screen; recently waxed areas are prone to hyperpigmentation (permanent darkening of the skin) if exposed to the sun.
  • Avoid heavy exercise for at least 24 hours after waxing.
  • Do not use exfoliating products (AHAs, scrubs, etc) and loofas for at least 24 hours after waxing as they might further irritate your skin. Unless you like pain. Freak.
  • Avoid tight clothing after waxing, especially in the waxed areas. Tight clothing may result in irritation and ingrown hairs. And besides, it looks stupid on grown men. No offense if you're a figure skater.
  • Routine waxing helps the skin get accustomed to the procedure and may minimize irritation.
  • Unfortunately, no hot bath, hot shower or oral sex for 10 hours after a Manzilian. While your pores are open, they are vulnerable to irritation by the extreme temperatures and infection by bacteria. So unless swollen boils are your thang, control yourself man.

How long does a manzilian waxing take?
Depending on the density of the hair growth, your waxing appointment will take about half-hour.

Will I be completely hairless – like 100% hairless – after you wax me?
Nope. Waxing is very rarely perfect the first time. You will be pretty gosh darn hairless, as in 99% hairless. There are three phases of hair growth and any given hair could be growing in 1 of the 3 phases. Your hair has to be in a specific phase in order for it to be removed. It won't be until you get waxed for the 3rd, 4th, possibly 5th time, 4 weeks apart that the rhythm really kicks in and most of your hair will be in the same phase.

Okay. Will I be completely hairless – like 100% hairless – after you wax me the 5th time? And if not, will you then tweeze out any remaining hairs?
Although you will most likely be 99.9% hairless by the 5th stage, I can't guarantee that you will be 100% hairless. There will be occasional strays that try as one may, try as one might, will just be too thin to be picked up by wax and it's unsafe if I make too many passes over one area as the wax will tear your skin. And no, I shall not tweeze. Like a premature pimple that you try to pop in vain only to wish you hadn't touched it in the first place, some things just aren't meant to be messed with.

How long should the hair be before I wax?
1/4 of an inch or full growth. Please do not feel the need to trim as you may trim the hairs too short.

How long will it last?
Everybody grows hair differently; it will last for two weeks for a clean look. Four weeks is the average time in between waxing.

Is it true that over time I will not have to wax anymore?
Unlikely. However, the hair will come in finer and start to thin out over time. So eventually, you may wax less.

Will I be wearing anything when I wax?

I get ingrown hairs when I shave, will waxing eliminate them?
For the majority of people, yes. However, waxing has its own version of ingrowns that can be alleviated with proper at-home care such as manual exfoliation when you shower and daily application of PFB Vanish or an acne cream.

Will waxing make me red, and how long will the redness last?
It depends on the sensitivity of the skin. Redness can last up to an hour or longer. But if you dig the redness, a few well placed slaps can help you prolong the look.

I've broken out after waxing before. Was this because the waxer was a poor, poor substitute for you?
Aw, aren't you a peach? Although, I am (ahem) the best Manzilian waxologist, I'd surmise your esthetician's skills weren't the cause of your skin woes. There are a couple of reasons why you may possibly have a breakout after waxing. After the hair is pulled out, the sebaceous gland (oil gland) becomes overly stimulated and causes a pimple like reaction. Another reason is that if there is already bacteria present in the lower layers of the skin, the trauma to the skin can cause it to surface. Again, use a product for preventing ingrown hairs and breakouts.

Why do guys get waxed?
Guys usually get waxed to satisfy their sense of self-image, or because their partners prefer the smooth look; it can be cultural and also attaching itself to certain professions such as: modeling, bodybuilding, athletes and dancers. Plus I hear the sex is better.

What if I get aroused during my Brazilian Treatment?
Relax. You're bound to become aroused when a female touches your nether regions. An erection can actually, at times, be helpful because it stretches your skin taut, making the removal a bit easier. But heh, once I start the ripping and tearing, it won't last long.

So if being aroused is actually helpful during the treatment, should I just masturbate while I'm on your table?
Try it and die.

When should you NOT wax?
You should not wax if you are on Retin-A, Renova, Accutane or any other skin- thinning product that is designed to clear the skin of acne taken topically or orally. Read the ingredients on your moisturizer. Almost all moisturizers for oily skin contains some product for acne. Please refrain from using your moisturizer at least 24 hours prior to your service. You also shouldn't wax if you have a systemic disease or if you are sunburned.

Do you do House-Calls?
My wax pots are not portable (not potable neither). Therefore my substitute waxy kit consists of candles which melt at much higher temperatures and duct tape to pull the hairs off. I find the change of scenery enjoyable. I tend not to get repeat invites back though.

What happens when I ask you out?
Do you remember the candles I mentioned above?

What are your prices?
All manzilians are $65. Gratuities are not accepted. See the pricing guide for all services offered.

Why don't you accept tips?
Because fair is fair and the price I quote you should be all that you're responsible for. Tipping makes things awkward & confusing. If you like me, you'll come back and we'll have a long, mutually beneficial relationship. If you don't like me, you won't come back and that's fine. May the hair on your unborn children grow long as a yeti.

Listen, I hear you with the benefits of waxing. I get it. It's good for me. But I just don't want to deal with the pain. Can you trim me instead?
Yep. Click here for my trimming/shaving services.

What if I want the best of both worlds? Can you wax my backside but trim the front?
Yep. Click here for my trimming/waxing packages.

What if I don't want a manzilian, but I want my back, legs, shoulders waxed?
Bueno. Bueno. Click here for my waxing menu.

By the way, I told my wife about you and she really digs your no-tipping policy. Do you wax women too?
Sure. If you want to refer your Chiquita or maybe she’s reading this herself, click here for more information on my waxing of the female form.

I'm an esthetician and I saw you at (enter name of Trade Show here). Do you offer classes?
I offer private one-on-one sessions. E-mail me and I'll give you the specifics on how to arrange an appointment with me to learn the techniques I use to rip the hair off of multiple men. And no, I'm not a sadist. All the time.

Any topic discussed in this article is not intended as medical advice. If you have a medical concern, please consult your doctor.

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